🌱 What Are You *Actually* Available For?
You don’t have to justify your boundaries. But you do have to set them.
Hello, how are you? 👋 Did you manage to stay cool through the heatwave? I was in Paris, melting on the streets when it hit 35 degrees...
BUT I’m home now, and ready to get on with our month on relationships…
In today’s Edit Your Life, we’re talking about the most challenging part: Boundaries.
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Those awkward conversations and texts, the lump in your throat, the guilt that creeps in when you decide not to people-please.
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you care enough to stay honest, both with yourself and with them, too.
And let’s face it, if they really cared about you, they’d have no problem respecting your boundaries.
This Week’s Edit: Reclaiming Your Bandwidth
Lately, I’ve been thinking about how much time over my 41 years I’ve spent explaining myself. Apologising. Over-justifying a no.
And how often that effort could’ve been avoided… if I’d just been clearer sooner.
So I’ve been asking:
🟡 What am I actually available for right now?
Not in an ideal world. In this one. With the time, energy, and capacity I actually have.
🟡 What am I saying no to by saying yes?
Because every yes has a cost. And some things are worth it. Others aren’t.
🟡 Who makes me feel like I have to prove something?
This one’s big. Sometimes it’s a boss. Sometimes it’s a friend. Sometimes it’s just the story in your own head. But either way, notice it.
A Bit of Theory: The Fawn Response and Boundary Collapse
You’ve heard of fight, flight, and freeze. But there’s a fourth response, especially common among those of us who’ve felt unsafe or emotionally overlooked: fawning.
Coined by therapist Pete Walker, fawning is what happens when we over-accommodate others as a survival strategy.
It’s saying yes to avoid conflict. Smiling when we’re seething. Avoiding our needs so no one else feels discomfort.
Fawning often shows up where boundaries are needed most. But naming this pattern - even to yourself - is a powerful first step toward change.
It’s not about becoming cold or harsh. It’s about being in an honest relationship with others and with yourself.
Real-Life Reminder: You Don’t Owe Everyone an Explanation
One of the biggest shifts in my life came when I realised that I don’t have to turn every no into a polite performance.
Sometimes it really is just:
No, I’m not available.
No, I’m not taking that on right now.
No, that doesn’t work for me.
You’re allowed to protect your energy. You’re allowed to take up space. Even if it makes someone else uncomfortable. Perhaps especially then.
Quick Edit: If You Do Nothing Else, Try This
💬 Instead of: “I’m sorry, I just can’t right now because [insert long justification].”
✨ Try: “Thanks for thinking of me — I’m not available this time.”
That’s it. That’s the shift.
(Hold me to it.)
Let’s Talk
What’s one thing you’re no longer available for? Hit reply if you feel like sharing it - or just take 30 seconds to write it down privately.
Lot’s to think about this month, but that’s a wrap on June! Next week, I’ll introduce our July theme… Any guesses?
Thanks, as always, for being here. I’m off to get an iced coffee!
See you next Thurs!
Beth x