🌱 Growing Apart Doesn’t Make You the Villain
Some people fit who you were. Not who you’re becoming.
Hi,
How are you? How’s your week going? Mine has been fast-moving – how is it June already?! – and I definitely feel like I need a few minutes soon to sit and just be.
I’m excited to start exploring this month’s theme of (all kinds of) relationships in this edition of our 10-minute weekly reads.
All of the work I do - in brand story consulting, as a trainee counsellor, and in hosting my new group for freelancers and solopreneurs (shameless plug!) - is about connection.
And sometimes the biggest shifts in personal growth don’t happen inside us; they happen between us.
When you start showing up more honestly, setting clearer boundaries, or just changing how you spend your time, as we’ve been working on, relationships inevitably change too.
It can feel confusing. And lonely. Like something’s gone wrong. But what if you’re just not in the same place anymore? That’s what this week is about.
This Week’s Edit: Spotting the Signs
Here are some things you may notice if you think you’ve outgrown a relationship:
🟡 The old dynamic doesn’t feel good anymore.
You leave the interaction feeling drained, small, or like you’ve slipped back into an outdated version of yourself.
🟡 You’re editing yourself to keep the peace.
Not just compromising, but contorting. Hiding parts of yourself to avoid conflict or keep things “easy.”
🟡 You’re growing in a different direction.
You don’t have to dislike someone to know the relationship isn’t aligned anymore. Sometimes it’s just a different pace, path, or priority.
🟡 You feel guilty for even thinking this.
That guilt can be a sign of old conditioning. A belief that putting your own needs first makes you a bad friend, child, partner, or colleague.
A Bit of Theory: Your Worth in Relationships
I’ve mentioned before that Carl Rogers, a psychologist and person-centred therapy theorist, discussed conditions of worth; the idea that we learn we’re only acceptable when we meet certain expectations.
Like when we’re ‘calm’ or ‘kind’ or ‘quiet’ or ‘good’.
These messages often show up in our relationships.
The friend who only values you when you’re funny and light-hearted.
The colleague who steps back from you when you express doubt.
The parent who praises you only when you achieve something tough.
Growth means becoming aware of those patterns and then choosing to relate differently.
Sometimes that means repairing. Sometimes it means redefining. And sometimes it means releasing.
Real-Life Reminder: The RuPaul Principle
In all of this - and everything else, let’s be honest - you must remember:
“If you don’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”
A Drag Race classic catchphrase from RuPaul. And it’s true:
Self-respect makes space for mutual respect.
Self-awareness strengthens empathy.
Self-honesty invites deeper connection.
The more we stay connected to ourselves, the more we create space for the right relationships to deepen and the mismatched ones to fade.
Quick Edit: If You Do Nothing Else, Try This
💬 Instead of: “I should just be grateful they’re still in my life.”
✨ Try: “It’s okay to appreciate someone and admit we’ve grown apart.”
That’s it. That’s the shift.
Let’s Talk
Have you ever noticed yourself shrinking or shape-shifting in a relationship?
I know I have. I know I can default to a smiley and positive approach, smoothing things over and letting things go more quickly than is probably healthy.
If you’d like to share, do reply and tell me how you navigated what you noticed - or what you’re still figuring out. I read every message.
And if this newsletter has helped you reflect or breathe a bit deeper, here are two ways to support it:
☕ Buy me an iced coffee
💌 Become a paid subscriber ↴
Thanks for being here and see you next week!
More relationship stuff to come…
Beth x